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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

still in deep thought

there are times when you just tell yourself that you just can't take it anymore. i definitely felt the need to vent out these past few days just to save my sanity. i was trying so hard not to go berserk. there are episodes in a person's life when you just lose your cool and apparently i lost it this time. i know i don't get mad easily. but hey, just like the zillions of people around the globe, i also lose my temper. it takes a lot to piss me off. but there are people who really can get on my nerves. it's like testing the patience of a saint. yeah, i know i'm no saint but i strongly feel that i'm quite level headed. i can shrug vicious comments about me coming from friends to absolute strangers but if they try to say bad things about the people i love and care about, then that's another story. to treat me harshly is something i can take to some levels but to treat those people i care about is sheer torture that i just can't stand by the sides and do nothing. me and my mom's relationship is like a vicious cycle. when i thought things are going great, some kind of conflict arises. perhaps like a sleeping volcano, sooner or later it will erupt at a given time. probably i just don't understand why she can't restrain herself from being so mean in most occasions. i do get embarassed at her choice of words when she gets mad. i don't know how a person can get irate all the time without getting tired. she even gets so pumped up with the most trivial of things and the worst part is everyone can't act naturally around her, there's like a silent rule that everyone should adjust depending on her mood or you just have to simlpy kiss her ass and don't go into trouble of contradicting her. it'll be pointless for she won't accept defeat. now i wonder, is it because of missing hormones brought about by the famous menopausal stage? or maybe not. anyhow, i still i don't get it! i know it'll take sometime before i completely forget things like these. the truth is, matters like these are hard to shake off. nonetheless, i'm praying for some divine intervention to give me peace of mind. i know i'm rambling again. please do bear with me, i'm trying my best to regain myself. ok. that's it for now....peace out!


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